Below are the 4 most recent journal entries recorded in calygur03's LiveJournal:

Monday, December 12th, 2005
Monday December 12th, 2005	She still wasn't sure how she was going to get him out of her life once & for all, but she was determined to do so. No matter how much it tore her up to do it. No matter how badly it hurt her heart. age aint nothin but a number, it doesnt wait for you to be ready, or for you to be old enough, it just happens & if you play your cards right you'll win everytime, screw what the world thinks loves love no one can define love whether he's a months older than you or 5 years older, treasure what you have & dont let anyone take it away you left today..you left me staring at your back. .wishing you were walking the other way..but you will be back..maybe a while from now..but ill be right here..same spot..a while from now Her father was sitting at his desk, which was covered with papers, his arms resting on the wooden desktop & his face buried in the fabric of his jacket. He was weeping. Great, racking sobs were making his shoulders heave, & the sound he made was like that of a person whose soul was being torn away. so if i get a little crazy ;; look a little spacey ;; blowin kisses your way ;; will you think im ok ;; set the sun on fire ;; scream a little higher ;; hold you in the moonlight ;; i say yeah if you say alright When you can`t stop smiling after you talk to him & you still get butterflies in your stomach & that huge smile across your face every time you see him, that let`s you know he will always mean x- - - something to you. xO - you do your thing & I do my thing. You are you & I am me. & if, in the end we end up together, it's beautiful. for him i'd smile when he's happy kiss him when he's sad..try to be the perfect girl & calm him when he's mad hold his hand to make him strong & say he's right when i know he's wrong Y0U KN0W IT'S TRUE L0VE WHEN THE TW0 OF Y0U C0NTINU0USLY SAY " I L 0 V E Y 0 U " AT THE M0ST RAND0M M0MENTS. Each time i whisper, " i love you " i'm trying to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me & i couldn't live without you. boy your not only my boyfriend, you`re also my best friend. i love you with all my heart & if for whatever reason, we dont last forever.. i still want you to be a part of my life. cus not having you in my life is something i cant even begin to imagine. My idea of the perfect day is lying around watching football with my friends & family. * Ashlee Simpson * she's another little pretty one under loves spell ;; about to get her heart broken ;; she's about to go through hell <|3 Everyday she makes sure she looks perfect..hoping that today will be the day he realizes he wants her as much as she wants him You try to look away but looking into his eyes is like looking at the night sky ;; His eyes are so beautiful you can’t help but stare I wish I was your one & only The one you think about at night before you go to bed Or the one that you tell all your friends about I wish I was the one who made you smile &the one that you ran to when times got hard I want to be the one you’re holding hands with & never letting go I wish I was your one & only I see dots I see spots I am high off a drug called you sweetheart & never do I want this rush to end Stare into my eyes.. What do you see? Fifteen years of pain? Deligated by thee? Words can never express my pain broken maybe? she loved him..he loved her *back*, it was the perfect romance, the sparks flew, & it was absolutly -amazing-.. then her feelings DrOpEd..it all fell apart cus she couldnt break //his heart\\ Boy i feel S0RRY for you.. there was this girl that would have done ANYTHiNG for you.. she may not be the PRETTiEST or SMARTEST girl alive.. but i can GUARANTEE she would've given you the world..x3 I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is you DEAR SANTA, I know it might be a little too late to write you this, but I'm desperate. I have tried so hard all of these years to make sure that I was very good, & I don't think you've been dissapointed yet. So I was writing this letter to kind of ask you for a favor. This year, I don't want any of those silly presents; no abercrombie jeans or coach purses. All I want this year is someone who is going to love me. Someone who takes time out of his day just to make sure that I woke up alright. Or maybe someone who will call me at 3 in the morning just to tell me that he can't wait to see me again. I've been waiting a long time for someone special Santa, & this year sounds like a good year for him to be mine. So Santa, if you read this letter & don't think you can find anyone, that's alright. It's not like I haven't been dissapointed before.. Love, A Lonely Girl Always have respect for yourself & keep your morals no matter the situation You have to go after what you want, & if it doesn't want you back, then so be it. It didn't deserve you anyway.. I never understood you ;; you're always with that one person you love more than anything ;; you're boyfriend. yet you're always flirting mine..</3 I dream about you. I lay my head down at night. I close my eyes real tight. I fold my hands. I bow my head, & pray upon the skies so high. That you might realize, that I love you; & no matter how far, how old, how deperate, I will always love you. I loved you more than you'll ever know.. ..your with her now..I'm left all alone. Sitting in shadows of confusion & regrets Lost & forsaken & often mistaken. Love stains i want to wash it away like a high tide~ crash upon me & take me away water submerges the heart & the undertoe pulls at all the love i have left to withhold in this ever sinking broken heart </3 i'll never feel your lips cross mine & i'll never be the reason for your smile. i guess the reason i love falling for someone is cus there are always so many obstacles & when i finally feel like theres no hope i see your face & everything starts over again all of those feelings just come back to me.. Sometimes you meet somebody, & you know that whatever you did before, It must have been right.. cus nothing you've done could be too bad, Or have gone to far wrong, because it led you to this person If i needed someone to push me down I'd look to you. Beat me up black & blue What'd I do to you? I give you the cue. I dare you Beat me up black & blue For something I didn't even do. The heart does heal, & you will love like this again ;; except when you do, you'll deny you ever loved like this before Lay my head down upon the sand dunes, towards dust. I peer upon the stars & heavens with lust. Purple stars in the sky. Won't you be my answer to all my mysteries. My guide to eternity. My strength to make me whole. Won't you send love my way without a toll. Shine upon me with your beautiful glow. Teach me wonders & your ways. Wash upon me with your heavenly gaze. One of these days, you'll see. I will be better than you ever imagined me to be. Laugh now, cry later. I am the one who will make a difference. I'll teach you a lesson, you won't ever forget. I'll step down from the spotlight, but just remember who had the heart. I may be weak now, but just you wait & see. One of these days I will be better than you ever imagined me to be. He promised he'd wait. He said I LOVE Y0U He said he will keep me & said i was his boo. Until that day came when i kissed him & walked away my best friend went over & saw him everyday. I wonder to myself if i will ever see him again or will i see him again only instead of me he's with my best friend. so play it off & pretend you never knew what you got yourself into. ill play it off & pretend i never meant a word i said.. cus im starting to realize that getting lost in your eyes was the worst move theres no point in trying to talk to you, i've tried to have a conversation with you so many times, but all that comes out is the empty feeling in my stomach & it makes me realize, you will never feel the same way about me, as i do about you .. What amazes me most is he's not embarrassed of me. He shows me off like a prized trophy. He's proud of me & everything I do. Whenever someone asks who I am, he never hesitates to say, "MY GiRLFRiEND" _ <3 As he slowly kissed her forearm, all he could ask was "what made you do this?' & her only response was "to remember that im alive" All I want is to go back to that one night where you held me so tightly as we looked at the stars & you said "if I had a choice, Id never let you go" Everytime I write It just end with torn up pages & scratched off words. Nothing I say or do or even write Could truely express what I feel for you. I try so hard to take my mind off of you I guess it would be easier if I took my heart back first. The night I gave you my heart just happened to be the last time i saw you. I loved how.. as soon as you put your arms around me the warmest sensation ran through my body. Warmer than any soup, heater, or water. So warm that I thought all the snow around us would melt. Everynight I hold this notebook to my chest & close my eyes. I try & think of all the love that exsited between us so I can write one of them cute love quotes. But all I think of is how bad you hurt me & how hard it is to let go.. What hurts more Than having you break my heart over & over again is knowing you arent doing it purposely. Except I keep letting you because it makes me think "at least he cares enough to hurt me" I say i dont care but i truely do. it breaks my heart to know that it didnt take long for you to find someone new. waiting for someone.. to fill the holes in my heart make my life complete again take out all the empty spaces holding your hand tonight just felt so perfect, so right like that is how it's supposed to be me & you..together <3 i'd give up everything to be with you to be the only one you want the one you love, "your girl" it kills me cus you can't see that but there is always that little chance & until you straight up say no i'm holdin on to that little chance with everything i have, cus i love you && this right here is the exact reason i never gave up on you when everyone said to just stop trying so maybe you're not the prince charming that belongs in my happily ever after, maybe all these dreams & wishes i've had forever about us being together, were never meant to be. maybe, just maybe, i don't need you like i thought i did. & actually for once i'm perfectly fine with all of that..
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Sunday, December 4th, 2005
Sunday December 4th, 2005	I don't believe in email. I'm an old-fashioned girl.I prefer calling and hanging up..</3 Here I am on the phone again && awkward silence on the other end... I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice, but right now, all I feel, is the pain of the fighting starting up again... <|3 he leaned over & kissed me & i kissed him back;; & then our eyes met, & it was like be both knew so we smiled, & kissed again; it was perfect & as she stared into her reflection in the mirror, she wiped away her tears as she whispered to herself, [ he was all i ever wanted ] </3 i just wanna talk to you my broken heart just has no use, i guess promises are better left unsaid sometimes even though you're having a great time you can't help but think back & think about how much you miss the old times <3 I love you. I've loved you all along. && I miss you. Been far way for far too long. I keep dreaming you'll be with me, && you'll never go. 1 boy /// 1 girl boy hates her /// girl loves him together they form one deadly combination Forgive me for not wanting to talk... With every word that leaves your mouth... Another lie confuses my heart... & once again i'm drawn back in... i`m not the innocent type. yet, i`m not a hoe. people need to shut the fuck up with what they think they know. because they don`t know shit. hold me tonite, the time is now at hand cover my eyes as darkness closes in and now my life upon your will depends to end this disphoria in which i exist.. i love you to the point where when i'm not with you it hurts to breathe. and when i am i can't stop holding my breath love used to be a racetrack rushing to pass the finish line chasing the boys that broke my heart ... but what do you do when the chase stops and you finally have him and he isnt letting go? sex is a lot like hotboxing it`s best when it`s in the backseat with the windows rolled up tight That shit we go through we go through together. Youll be my baby today tomorrow, fuck that -- forever Sometimes I feel I could drop off the face of the earth It seems I do more harm than good && I don't know if it's worth me loosing sleep over this. Please leave all overcoats and tophats with the doorman. And from that moment, you'll be out of place and underdressed. I'm wreaking this evening already and loving every minute of it. You never forget your first true love. Either the scars they left behind stay there forever, or your heart never beats the same way again
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Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
Tuesday November 29th, 2005	realize how much i love you i realize i can`t have you. and that just makes me love you ` e v e n m o r e * we don`'t like what we don`'t understand. too much drama up in this fake-hearted school. the preps, the goths, the less-than cool. where it starts and stops, who's to define? who's to be trusted and where to draw the line? screaming and crying and all the useless chatter. you live, you die, only life is what matters. filled with smiles, lies and fears; welcome to the magic of high school years. you're weird, obnoxious, crazy [ && a complete idiot ] ..yet i still love you <33 she doesn't have to be your entire world. just a tiny village. somewhere. anywhere. on your map. i don't hate or despise you.. i call you a backstabbing bitch because it describes you !!it`s strange how the shortest words, ( yes & no ) are the ones that take the most thought. Above all be true to yourself & if you cannot put your heart into it take yourself out of it Always follow your heart no matter how crazy its decision may seem. In the end, it will be the best one you ever made Every once in a while, I have a moment in life where being myself is enough I'm a very independent girl, & sometimes people think I'm weird cus of it. But that doesn't bother me. Just cus I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, even when everyone else is sitting down, that's no reason to follow the crowd. cus maybe, just maybe, I'll make someones life better cus I wasnt afraid No matter the distance between us Or if changes begin to start We`ll be best friends forever Cus nothing can keep us apart We’re soul sisters. We know how to stay tight We will always be friends even if we do fight we love each other so much that if we argue we know what to do. We go to a party & don’t find someone to screw. Instead we get trashed & find out that we’re friends until the end. I’m glad that we found each other. I’m glad your my friend We stuck together our whole lives through I can truly say I will always be here for you I feel like I've tried for so long to be happy, & the more I try, the more that goal slips from my reach. It's almost like quicksand where the more you struggle, the more submerged you become. I've given up on everything. Nothing matters to me anymore. Especially myself. The part of my life that matters least to me is myself. cus I'm no one..& I always have been Everything is finally working out for everyone, everyone is getting who they want & everything they want. I'm extremely happy for them because they all deserve it.. but I can't help but to wonder why it can't happen to me I pretend my life is perfect like the face on tv, yeah, that's the only way to face another day, try to deny the misery im fucking tired of pretending everything is okay, my tears are starting to show & my smile is fading away. when you * hold * my hand i don`t want you to ever let go. when your [ r i g h t ] by me i get this -- werid -- feeling.. like i know we supposed to be together. <3 && you were holding my hand and rubbing my thumb like you always used to. <3 and you looked at me && said.. ( baby i`m in love with you )Every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. x3 what happens when the | -» one guy «- | you know is right for you, is with the one |[-» one girl «-]| you know is wrong for him? ii was uncool before uncool was cool //. i`m not the girl your mom warned you about.. cause her imagination was never this good. =] People always come up to me saying ... "you don't have style." i look at them & say ... "i do have style. just not yours." Then they ask - "why do you dress different?" i always say ... "so i can stand out ... instead of blending in.." never did i say i only do it so he will notice me. <3 Shattered thoughts, shattered dreams, shattered truth, shattered e v e r y t h i n g Someday I’m gonna leave it all behind & start a brand new page to my life cus this page is full of screw ups as if most of my life was a mistake. 05.be I was the mistake Everyone leaves me stranded, forgotten, abandoned, left behind. I can’t stay here another night. Everything is fine, couldn’t hurt more She disappeared beneath her pain. But no one's listening. No one's listening i can't do anything ; i don't believe in anyone. i just feel sorry for myself all day long Where do you start in describing someone who is the whole reason your heart began beating..the reason for the smile on your face in the mornings, the reason the lyrics to certain songs have become something you can relate to instead of just something you sing along with You know when your singing along with this song, & you know all the words cus you really love it. Then a train passes & a door closes, & you can't hear the music anymore, but you keep singing anyway. Then, when you can hear it again, your still perfectly in time with it. Well, that's what love is. You know it's love when you look at the empty space in your bed & you wish he was there to fill it I wanna have one of those magical kisses, a fairytale kind where you close your eyes & you feel like the luckiest girl alive The way you act when we're together, the way you smile at me, the way you kiss me, the way you make me feel, the way you know exactly what to say to make me feel better. The way you hold my hand, the way you touch me. & just the person you are, the person you've become..Make it so easy to love you..<3 the first thing when you wake up wondering if he's going to call you.. the special one for you..your my one & only just dreaming at night.. wondering if you fell the same way..i just wanted to say i love you! Your the best guy in the world and yeah, you may disagree But forever in my eyes your as perfect as can be An angel by any other name i LIKED you but this one person just pulled us apart you don't have to be blood to be family you know you're in love when you wanna tell everyone about it, even when they haven't asked .. <3My girls and me were sent from heaven. I back them up twenty-four seven. If you mess with me or my crew, damn bitch I would hate to be you.experience is a hard teacher. it gives you the test first `&& the lesson later. There’s something about you that gets to me. Where you are is the only place I wanna be you make my life complete you are so sweet, no one competes
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Sunday, November 20th, 2005
Sunday November 20th, 2005	Qoutes! o1. Im frozen in our memories, trying not to cry. I know that you love me so why say goodbye? I'm frozen in our kisses as your body pulls me near. We kiss & you lick your lips as you wipe away my tears.. o2. So maybe it all happened for a reason, you going with her, me going with him && in the end, you & i are back together <3 o3. See, that's the thing about second chances. It's two people that are there for each other & support each other & care about each other no matter how much they want to deny it. It's about one person doing everything they can to make sure the other doesn't fall & vice-versa. Second chances are about holding on to that other person's hand no matter how hard they beg to let go. * Jacqueline Kelly * o4. I've loved someone before, but then they broke my heart. At that very moment, everything inside me fell apart. Does he know what he's done? I dont think he can. I must be a crazy fool for i love him once again. o5. iF Y0U HAD iT 0NCE, Y0U CAN ALWAYS GET iT BACK. o6. I pull away but i always fling right back.. * The Eyeliners * o7. This time, we aren't going to take any breaks. o8. When two lovers keep going back to each other.. it usually means it was meant to be. o9. I know we could both go on with our lives and we could both be fine, but i've seen what we could be like together and i choose us. 1o. After all the stops & starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts. Two angels rescued from the fall, & after all that we've been through, it all comes down to me & you. I guess it's meant to be, forever, you & me, after all. * Peter Cetera * * iN L0VE * 11. Everyone has someone out there that is perfect for them. I'm so glad I found my perfection. 12. I wanna be all of the things you are to me. So all i need to know, is wherever i go, you'll be loving me faithfully. * LFO * 13. He's the exact 0PP0SITE of what I imagined the person of my dreams would be, but now that I've met him, I couldn't imagine him being any other way 14. I never needed someone before, then the minute you walked into my life, I knew I couldn't live without you 15. I never could have thought i'D love sOmeOne aS much as [ i * L O v e * y O u ] 16. I can't express how I want to see you every second of the day, You must think I'm insane, you must think I have nothing better to say. But I'm honest, cus I know that the more I spend time with you, the less time I'm here alone thinking of you 17. To me, love is the s.p.a.r.k.l.e in your eyes The s-w-e-e-t sound of your voice The cute way you look when you l.a.u.g.h The way you s-m-e-l-l so wonderful, no matter what 18. I love you, I always will. Your sweet kisses & hugs, my heart they fill. You mean the world to me, & much more, I'd even give my life for you the one i adore I know we'll be together forever, we were meant to be That's was what God planned, for you to be with me 19. I love the way we finish each others sentences I love the way you look at me I love how I know you`ll always be there when I need you to be I love how complete I feel when I am with u I love the way I fit in your arms I love the way you make me laugh I love the way you treat my friends I love the way your voice sounds over the phone I love how every time I look at you, you take my breath away. I love how I thank God everyday for bringing someone as wonderful as you into my life I love how you love me I love you just the way you are 2o. Once you catch me you gotta really try, cus it takes a lot to catch my eye, but when I found you it took me by surprise. you didn't have to try hard cus I got lost in your eyes 21. We live only for a fleeting moment, but in that moment we may shimmer like the brightest star. 22. I saw an old home video last night, I was young & happy..what happened to me? * Kelsey * 23. "are we going to be friends forever?" asked Piglet. "even longer," Pooh answered. * Winnie the Pooh * 24. Remember when we said goodbye? I wiped my tears. You didn’t cry 25. All those times when we were kissing, our tongues were telling lies & all the signs that I've been missing were right there in your eyes 26. I'm just wondering.. is it normal for my heart to be in my stomach everytime I think of you? 27. That's how life is..you have one great love & then the other guys are just distractions. 28. Here I sit laughing at the wrong thing. Waiting for someone to come & notice me. You found me just in time to lose me from myself & all I held on to I need you to believe. & all the things you dream about love & life, what gives you the right to just walk away? 29. I am so sorry. I don’t know what you see in me. I don’t mean to be mean. But please don’t wait for me. I just need to be. 3o. I was lost there was nobody for me to talk to about all that you were troubling me with.. so I sat alone with everything inside & cried myself to sleep
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